Christmas in Chitwan

Aside from the afore mentioned glorious tree, some delicious mincepies - courtesy of (imported by Anthony importers) Fortnum and Mason mincemeat, and some carol concerts, it really didnt seem that Christmasey here. For starters we (Mel, John Anthony and moi) woke up on Christmas day and headed down to Chitwan National Park, to an island jungle place where there were absolutly no signs of Christmas other than the 2 aussies in the room next door randomly singing Christmas songs lound enough to be audible through the wall - which wasnt hard as the wall was made of reeds/straw or something like that...

At Chitwan we learnt many things about asian elephants. For example an elephant eats 250kg of food per day, drinks 150 litres of water per day, has a foot circumference which is half its height etc etc. I have decided elephants are amazing... very very lovely, but totally impractical as pets. We went on several elephant saffaris, the perpose being to spy rhinos in the wild. We actually saw 4 which was very exciting - pictures to come on flickr. The elephants just stamped through the jungle - nothing got in their way, so ducking and diving large branches and trees was essential when on their backs! One day we went out with the elephant herders/riders (?) to help collect the elephants food. It was sold as 'grass cutting', but seemed more like hacking down the tops of trees and loading them onto the backs of elephants to me... this involved a bit of bareback elephant riding (you discover muscles in places previously unknown to have muscles), and also involved clinging to the back of the elephant whilst the keeper was up a tree and the elephant decided that it was a bit hungrey and would really quite like to knock over a few trees to get some yummy vine from the top of one...

We also went walking in the jungle looking for Rhinos again with some sucess - once the rhino was spotted the guide had to call (making a bird noise) to signal the elephant riders to bring the elephants forward, we then all followed the elephants who were following the rhino. apparently rhinos dont charge elephants, but might go for humans - if annoyed - which they probably would be, being woken up by 7 tourists flashing cameras at it.

Generally we climbed onto the elephants via a wooden platform, however we learnt how to climb/be lifted up their trunks... it takes a while to adjust to the fact that elephants have very thick skin and arent in the least troubled by heavy walking boots stamping all over them! I was fairly crap at getting on this way, however it was easy in comparison to the time when in the jungle i was told the elephant had a bad trunk and so i would have to climb on via the back legs. This involved being shoved very hard from one end by a bemused Nepali and pulled up by another whilst my legs flailed wildly around... not very attractive!

We also did a boat trip to spot crocodiles and ate much food - especially Mel who seemed very keen on the 'eat a much as you like' buffets.

We made it home unsavaged, and in reasonably good time despite hanging around due to a strike/road blockade, which was fortunately called off after about an hour. When Anthony and I went up to investigate we saw that tyres had been burnt (traditional) and that the road was blocked, but asking around it transpired none of the teachers (who were protesting about pay) were there at the moment... random, a strike and blockade without those who were striking... not really sure how it worked!

The glorious felt tree

hi hello and happy new year for tomorrow. Please think of me as I go to work (I really dont understand why I have to work on New Years day)...

I think I'm going to have a bit of a blogging and photo uploading blitz today, I have various things to write about but I think I will put things under different headings.

Firstly a slightly dark photo of the most glorious christmas tree... Anthony got it from a garden centre (of the Nepali variety - not quite like Hilliers)... it is decorated with many lovely felt items. My favourite is the felt Yeti on the top of the tree. Every tree needs a yeti right? There are also felt elephants, felt bells, felt stockings, a christmas chili (?), a felt yak, a felt sheep, a felt santa, felt baubles and some felt reindeer... Nepalis dont really go in for christmas but there is most certainly a tourist generated market for felt decorations...

Pokhara mini-break

Well we had a great mini-break in Pokhara. The sun was shining, the Himalayas were magical and snow capped, the lake also looked lovely - although not up too close as there is a fair bit of pollution. We had a good time lazing around, eating food (and then being very ill if ones name is Anthony – I retain the stomach of steel award 2006), going cycling, going boating, climbing up a big huge hill etc… Most exciting however was my foray into extreme sports.

As many people know I really don’t like flying, so it was a slight surprise to me that I agreed to go paragliding. We went up a huge hill called Sarankot, and then I ran off the hill and into the skies for 50min - at the highest point we rode thermals to 2,200meters above sea level - which I can assure you is very high when you're only attached to a Swiss man and a kite (even if it is a big kite). The views of the lake and villages were amazing, although we didn’t have a clear day so the Himalayas were hidden – very frustrating when you know they are there and how beautiful they are. I did ok on the fear-front. I wasn’t ill and only stifled a scream once when we went rather too close (in my uneducated opinion) to the paraglider Anthony was with and my ‘pilot’ started shouting ‘hello darling’ in a dodgy Swiss accent… we didn’t crash and were probably nowhere near doing so but I felt unnerved! A strike by Maoists grumpy at not being included in selecting Nepali ambassadors meant that we could not land in the proper place and so had to use a very small rice field with many horses in it, needless to say on landing I fell flat on my face pulling the Swiss man down with me... ooops.

We have some nice photos and videos so I will try and upload some dans le weekend.

We rode the bus home, which made the 25min plane journey seem great value as it took nearly 8hrs (still 3hrs less than Mel’s trip up which was delayed by Maoist strikes and tyre burning students)… However I learnt many things:
1. Nepal has many suspension bridges.
2. Nepal has many other areas, which are in need of a suspension bridge, but instead of this they have some sort of tightrope wire set up which small children haul themselves across, and boxes on pulleys are winched across. They would not meet health and safety regulations.
3. The roads and very narrow and the ravines very deep and the drivers drive fastfast and there are a distinct lack of safety barriers. In one place we saw the remains of a truck at the bottom of the ravine, in the river.
4. People like to wash their clothes and dry them on pig stys, piles of hay, suspension bridges, piles of gravel – but rarely washing lines. I am wondering if this procedure could be counter-productive.
5. I am not in anyway an animal rights activist but I actually shouted at a man in the restaurant we were in for kicking a small cat… poor cat.

a strike and a delay

holo,
on Thursday i went up to Nagakot in the mountains just on the edge of the Kathmandu Valley, as part of a work conference type thing... it was really beautiful, and we could even see mount Everest in the distance... just seeing those tall tall mountains is amazing.

Coming back i got dropped off in town and then caught a taxi home, what should have been a 20min journey turned into an hour nightmare and my first Nepali strike/protest experience. So we were driving around the ring road and we run into loads of huge trucks just blocking the road, so we bump off the road down a side track and then get back up onto the road further along and all is well until we hit more trucks and this time its pitch black, there are no lights and there are lots of big men wandering around the small small taxi and I was feeling a bit scared as although i sort of knew where I was I wasn't totally sure, and the men weren't letting us go anywhere. We were forced off the road and onto this track and ended up in one of Kathmandu's narrow, walled streets, in a huge traffic jam, which would be fine anywhere else, but here everyone is shouting and honking at everyone else, despite there barely being room for 2 cars buses, bikes, motor bikes, people, trucks and buffalo were all trying to surge past each other in the que... i think you had to be there to understand... the smell of pollution, the confusion about where i was, the dark, the noises, the lack of car movement was all slightly distressing... but i survived and made it home in time to pack some things together for my mini-break to Pokhera...

the reason for the strike was because apparently some man got run over by a truck and people decided to protest about that by blocking the main road around Kathmandu... hmmm

so now i am at the domestic airport waiting for the plane, which is delayed due the fact that the lucrative 'everest flights' were delayed by fog, and we cant go until they come back. This place has a very nice internet cafe, which you pre-pay for and get an exciting envelope which when you open it contains a code and password for the internet - which all seems a bit unessesary. despite such hieghts of technology security is decidedly lacking (I was able to walk out of the checked departure lounge area, back into the main departure check in hall and then back to the departure lounge without anyone checking me or batting an eyelid - the reason I needed to go back outside was to claim the points on my Buddha air gold card!!!)... also despite the presence of 2 cleaners in the ladies toilets they are SERIOUSLY disgusting... almost enough to make one vomit. yuk...

Anthony is well and is happily watching dodgy small planes take off and land. He still insists he isnt a plane spotter, and that he doesnt have a spotter jotter, but to be honest I think he is enjoying the fact we are delayed as he can sit around watching planes...

photos

Time is flying by and now its nearly Christmas... crazy.

Im right now uploading some photos of my apartment onto flickr so you can see what its like... (click on the link on the right hand side of this page) I feel like I am settled now in, but also feeling quite poor as the majority of the stuff I've had to buy... oh for a relocation allowance...
anyways it shall be cheap next month!

this week I discovered that post from Mongolia to Nepal is twice as quick as post from England to Nepal. Random... i also bought the most fandabulous mountain bike (possibly another reason for feeling poor?!) now there are plenty of mountains, I just have to get fit to ride up them... there is a group of what I imagine to be hardcore men (why else would they go out at 5.45am?) who go out in the mornings 3x a week... I think it will be some time before I manage to get out of bed at that hour, especially as its cold in the mornings at the moment... aside from mountains, the bike will be useful for pootling around and exploring places. I havent really seen much of Kathmandu aside from the areas around my house and work...

Anthony is arriving tomorrow which is most excitabling, especially as he is bringing me some hair straighters... the perm wont go away and now looks a shaggy mess. Hair straighters be the only answer...
almost as exciting as that is the discovery of pesto in a supermarket. I had resigned to not being able to eat pest for a year as i couldnt see any, or the ingrediants to make it, but yesterday I saw 2 small jars gleaming amongst the jars of tomato paste. hooorah... on reflection i think a large part of my diet is pasta, vegetables and pesto (and paneer - Nepali cheese substitute)...

thats enough for now...

Chaupadi

I was reading about the practice of Chaupadi which takes place in many parts of Nepal - to various extents. I found it both interesting and scary, so I thought I would write a little of what I read.

Devout Hindus will practice Chaupadi, which seems to be the placing of certain restrictions on women during menstruation and childbirth when they are considered ‘ritually impure’. As such some women may be prohibited from cooking, in more extreme cases women are prohibited from contact with other people, including their families, and often have to go and stay in an outhouse. There are also restrictions on the food the women can eat during these periods of time.

This can have awful consequences. For example women can become nutrient deficient at a critical period of health; teenage girls may withdraw from school (particularly if sanitation facilities are non existent); and giving birth alone in a dirty cold outhouse doesn’t do the maternal and infant mortality rates any favours.

Maternal mortality ratio = 540 per 100,000 live births (UNICEF)
Infant (under 1yr) mortality rate = 56 per 1,000 live births (UNICEF)

Just as comparison, the UK data is:
Maternal mortality ratio = 7 per 100,000 live births (UNICEF)
Infant (under 1yr) mortality rate = 5 per 1,000 live births (UNICEF)

Therefore you are 77 times more likely to die of a childbirth related condition in Nepal than in the UK.

This practice also explains why many (but not all) domestic ‘helps’ are male. If girls are seen as unclean during menstruation, they may also be considered unable to work, because they need to be isolated for a certain period each month, and are thus less attractive to employ. Hence I have a houseboy??? Possibly not.

a twin tub

This weekend has been really clear. The Kathmandu haze seemed to lift revealing tall, snow-capped mountain peaks, which although distant, are breathtaking and tantalizing all in one go. I cant wait to get closer to them.

Other excitements involved shopping in fandabluous craft shops, going to a Nepali film festival and most exciting of all playing with my new twin-tub washing machine. Although a washing machine is more expensive than a didi (washing woman) for various reasons it seems a lot less hassle to do it myself. However spending loads of cash on a automatic washing machine seems pointless so I have the cheap skate option - A twin tub. Now I am fairly experienced in the ways of twin tubs, growing up we had one which I remember constantly flooding the utility room… and of course Ro had one in Mongolia which seemed the height of luxury every time I went up to UB. Basic principle of a twin tub involves transferring washing between 2 tubs depending on whether youre washing/rinsing/spinning.
According to the brochure my tub has the following features:
· ‘updated squelch technology’.
· ‘Beautiful design of outlook’.
The brochure also warns me that ‘clothes of puff’ must go into a washing net bag and that laundry should be able to ‘gyrate enough in the wash tub’.
What more could a girl want????

Ps Pebar the houseboy is well worth the money. The place sparkles!

A house boy...

Last night I popped round to see my landlord cum next door neighbour to give him some money... for the last week he has been pestering me about 'what on earth am I going to do about cleaning my flat?'. I had been putting him off on this one, however last night I realised that resistance was futile and that not employing the services of his 'boy' could be more hassle than its worth. So I have acquired a house boy. Which seems quite comedy to me, in the sense that I am sure I am more than capable of cleaning my flat... but never mind. Fortunately he will only appear once a week (although in saying that at 7.45am this morning he seemed to be sweeping outside my flat), apparently he will clean all the windows, floors, balcony etc etc...

Some interesting facts about the 'boy' (landlords words not mine).

• My landlord says he is 'like a son' to him. He also describes me as 'like a daughter'. Therefore in some ways perhaps my houseboy can be considered my brother?
• Pebar (the boy) is, according to the jacket he seems to live in, an 'American Ski Instructor', I shall have to be asking him for some tips on my parallel turns...
• Despite being called a 'boy', I am fairly certain he is well over 18 and that I am not engaging in the child labour market.

getting a mobile phone in Nepal

today i had to sign some forms that will enable me to get a mobile phone. The procedure was even more crazy than opening a bank account.
On the forms I had to give:
1. My fathers name
2. My paternal grandfathers name (doesnt matter that he is dead).
[i am interested to know what value these names add to the application... if you have a father or grandfather with a notorious name are you denied a mobile phone?]
3. A map of where my work place is. Dont think that i have mentioned the distinct lack of road names round here. In Cambodia even tho the roads numbers were eratic there were at least numbers... on the whole in Nepal there is nothing, people just describe the place. So i live at one end of 'sheep lane' because there are always sheep down the bottom of the lane, not because its actually called 'sheep lane'. Anyways I guess the lack of road names necesitated the inclusion of a map in my application.
4. a copy of my passport.
5. [This is the MOST comedy] 2 thumb prints!!

I await the wise decision of the mobile phone company as to whether I will be granted one.

Monday-o

Hello!

Much seems to have happened since I last blogged, and now i have been here 2 whole weeks. Time is zip-zapping by.

It was in someways a very British weekend involving a quiz at the British embassy (after leading most of the rounds we came 3rd and won a free meal at the embassy as opposed to some swanky hotel... never mind) on saturday i went to a 'garden party' where there was trampolening and croquet and scones and cream and people that looked like they had stepped right out of 'Absolutley Fabulous'... a very sureal other world of ex-patness... then went to a 'dance festival' which appeared to be fairly rubbish and very male dominated (it seems nepali women dont go to dance festivals... perhaps theyre busy cooking and cleaning as all good women should be)...

I did find time to move. So i am now installed near to the 'Jew' (zoo) and sleep to the sound of animals making random noises - although i think this originates from packs of stray dogs rather than enraged-caged animals.

When i arrived there was a minor crisis when there was no bed... and then a bed appeared with no matress... so the driver from work (not my personal driver I should add) and i went on a mission to find a matress. Seeing that saturdays are public holidays this proved to be rather hard. In the end we commissioned a man to make me a sort of wadded pad (a bit like a futon matress) i went to collect it 2 hours later and stupidly made the mistake of not measuring it in the shop and the bally man short changed me and it is all a little small for the bed... but could be worse. After buying the thing a comedy moment ensued with a small nepali man lugging the matress the 5 min to my house and me, feeling every bit the colonial master, striding out ahead... I'm not sure that it was a particulalrly comfortable experience, and i ended up carrying the matress up the stairs as I felt so guilty/lame...

When i get organised with home internet i will upload some photos of the place. Its really nice, and 'cream' (which is good as the alternative is floral dingy)... i need to acquire a few more things like a heater and a water filter and another heater for my shower and a spare bed for any guests that wish to come ...

that shall be all for now i think...

Maoists

Rush hour
Kathmandu
Traffic surging, pushing, shoving, near colliding, stalling, stopping, starting, polluting

Over the road
Large truck
Loud speakers blaring
Also surging, pushing, shoving, near colliding, stalling, stopping, starting, polluting
Red flags flapping
Must be Maoists

Yellow papers flying
Propaganda distribution
Who knows?
Squiggles are indecipherable

Close encounter with some of Bush’s terrorists?
Not exactly sure.

Thursday!

Yesterday I applied for a local bank account (with an international bank it has to be said)... on the application form I had to enter the usual details, along with my fathers name, my fathers address, and the details of the father of whoever I left the contents of my bank account to 'should I die'. I just think its interesting what a male centric society this is. At least it didnt ask for my fathers permission to open a bally bank account...

So life is toodling along and I feel quite settled even tho I havent yet managed to get out of the hotel and into my apartment near the zoo.
A lack of exersise and many curries are making me feel most rotund, but hopefully I shall acquire a bike soonsoonsoon.
I am starting to get used to wearing random 'jesus sandals' at work... where you cant wear your shoes in the office, and instead must wear sandals or slipers. I have been issued with a pair (albeit they are different sizes) of horrible black sandals... I've seen some exciting pink felt slippers with pompoms on in a shop, so perhaps i can get some of those to wear at work? slippers in the worksplace... hmmm we need duvets too perhaps...

7 days mam

This weekend I have mostly been trying to acquire some stuff for my new residence which I hope I might move to next week. The sooner the better… the titanic soundtrack (panpipes version) is driving me slightly mad in the hotel restaurant.
There is something not quite right about buying plates, and cutlery and pots and pans and a gas hob, electric heater, etc etc, when I’m only here 11months… but there isn’t really much choice, and cos I spent a fair bit of cash I am now a ‘Saleaway’ store member, with a 4% discount card… oh the thrills. Amusingly when I bought the gas hob they set it down on the floor in the shop and proceeded to switch on all the burners to prove it worked… meanwhile, other shoppers not to be deterred just stepped over it. In the process of shopping for boring things like rubbish bins I discovered some amazing huge huge bookshops (Sadie you would be exceedingly jealous)… they sell genuine (not photocopy) books at about 50% UK cost. You really can get whatever you like… novels, political commentaries, Buddhist enlightenment, cookery books… you name it I think you can get it. I also discovered the paper shops…ooooh they are very exciting, many beautiful, handmade papers. Randomly I found a ‘Hallmark Cards’ shop. Not sure if they actually sold Hallmark cards, but they do stock the tackiest range of cards ever. What else… hmmm, oh yes, have been renamed as ‘mam’ which is slightly concerting but all the Nepali’s seem to call me that. I feel like the queen. Not necessarily a good thing.

23/07/2063

Today is the 23rd of the 7th Month of 2063 +5.45hrs GMT

Sound weird?
I think so too… but this is the crazy parallel universe that is Nepal. Everyone abides by the +5.45hrs GMT bit, im starting to get used to it... however I think most people apart from those related to international organisations also follow a different dating system, and according to that today is the 23rd of the 7th Month of 2063.

Blog uno from the du of Kat-ness

So i have arrived in pollution central... or should i say Kathmandu. After 2 days, mostly spent at work I have only made a few conclusions about the place, which will probably change when i live here a bit longer... perhaps...

• Polluted (to the extent you want to cough the whole time)
• Narrow roads (1 cars width) + many many cars = non-stop traffic jam. No one can drive fast in this place. It is not possible.
• Elephants randomly add to the traffic congestion.
• There are people everywhere... often wearing little pillow case hats (men) and pretty sari type dresses (women) and orange robes, big beards and dobs of yoghurt on their foreheads (guru people)
• The government recently revoked the law which said all people on motorbikes must wear helmets. Now only the driver must wear a helmet. Makes sense??? hmmm anyways helmet use is much higher than in the bodge.
• Many things have a run down/dilapidated feel about them... there isnt the plethora of new buildings like in Phnom Penh... and even UB to a certain extent.
• There are a reasonable amount of guns, and people toting guns, and people wearing uniforms.
• I am unsure how one identifies a Maoist (do they wear red?) However hundreds of thousands of them are said to be massing here on friday, and already many people, including collegues, are being 'asked' to 'host' 10 or so maoists bussed in from the countryside for a couple of days. Hosting includes providing stuff to sleep on and food... (the Nadj, your diner table for 12 would come in handy in this situation).
• Uncertainty is everywhere. No one seems to know what will happen... will the king return? will the maoists take over? will things just pootle along like now?
• Due to power cuts and the threat of strikes forcing people to stay inside, lots of people have stashes of purified water, emergency lighting, and food...
• Transport around the country sounds tres dodgy... bus crashes, plane crashes and helicopter crashes (indeed even elephant stampeedes) seem to occur rather too frequently for my liking...
• Apparently we are sitting right in the middle of an earthquake fault line... the same line that runs through the area of Pakistan that was so devastated last year... hmmm why did i not know this before???

So, i think its an interesting place. Perhaps I have painted a negative picture, but that isnt how i see it. The bodge was sunny and easy... but this place is certainly very different, more chaotic, less predictable, less politically stable, less lexus cars (hooray), less international NGOs, less tourists, less spublic holidays... but not necesarily bad... I like the mountains surrounding the city, and i can only imagine how stunning the place is when you actually leave smog valley, the food seems good, people are very friendly... and if i am lucky i might sign a contract on a 3 bedroom flat which looks lovely jublee apart from its lack of furniture... i dont need 3 bedrooms... its just you cant seem to get appartments with less... the appartment is close to what the estate agent called the 'jew'... i was very confused, but it turns out 'jew' is a misspronounciation of zoo... lets hope the tigers dont escape.

This is more than enough from me. Time for sleep I think

Over and out
xxx

Qatar

It is 4.15am UK time and i'm sitting in Qatar airport waiting for my connection to Kathmandu.
Qatar seems very white... white buildings, white land, white bright sun in the sky. Even the people wear white clothes. My only other half-sleep-awake observation is that there are an incrediable number of cleaners given the size of the airport. I guess some might be nepalese as I understand there are a fair number of Nepalese working in the 'domestic/service' sector in this part of the world.

oh for a bed... i really am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tierd.
ramble over.

can it be a blog???

It has been a while since i wrote anything up here. I seem to have been distracted from the blogging cause.

I seem to have a jumble of things to write about... where to start?

I have finaly uploaded a pile of photos from the Outer Hebrides trip. Most beautiful place. They are on my Flickr site which is linked from the right hand side of this blogedyblog.

This last month I have been back working in MK. Initially work seemed a bit of a shock after 2 months of unemployment... but I seemed to acclimatise to it fairly well. Ended up going to Madrid for a weekend conference where I had to do a short presentation. It turned out fine, and was quite entertaining... lots of spannish wine and mini food (tapas)... also a large number of mafia types wearing dark glasses and accompanied by glamourous small ladies.
The easyjet flights were also entertaining and I surpassed myself by arrive 3hours early for the flight. Anyone who knows me will know this is highly unusual. in fact it has never happened before. Normally 3 hours before the flight I am packing. In event the flight was massively delayed, and I managed to read a whole book whilst waiting. Another 1st - a book in a day.
Anyways I got priority A boarding pass and was able to sit right at the front of the plane and pretend I was an executive business type... 'pretend' being the operative word. The fact that I was wearing a fleece and had a backpack and was flying easyjet was a bit of a giveaway.

so now it is only a few days before i leave for the land of nepalese. I was reflecting on how different it feels now, compared to when I was preparing to leave for Mongolia. Back then (over 4 years ago now), the year ahead stretched to infinity and in many ways seemed like a long black dark hole, which I couldnt imagine how (if?) i would emerge from. Time was spent frantically buying many many things (many unecessary) to feed/entertain/moisturise me through the long cold winter and long hot summer in the town described by Lonely Planet as 'dusty and souless'. Now, 4 years later I am excited about going away, and it seems in my mind that a year really isnt very long at all... I am fairly sure I can survive wherever I am and that in most capital cities you can buy most things you need and want. Therefore no need for mass panic shopping?!! Interesting.
I am also wondering how differently I will feel at the end of this next year of my life. I left Mongolia wanting to stay... and I still feel like that now, even tho time has passed I want to go back (lots). Will I feel like this about Nepal in 4 years time? or is it only possible to fall in love with one country?

All this obviously omits the lovely 'bodge, which is not really intentional... my 6 months there just seemed to slip past in a blur of sunshine, sweat, holidays and logframes... it was always temporary. Not as permenant as a year perhaps?

Probably enough musings from me. Not sure when I'll next blog. Perhaps from Kathmandu.

over and out
me x x x x

just a note

just a note from me to say i am alive, and will probably resume blogging in a (more than) ernest fashion from November onwards when I will probably be all alone and twiddling my thumbs in Kathmandu... for the moment i'm (semi) back in MK... and not really having internet access except at work (this also explains my worse-than-awful attempts at replying to almost all emails)...

the outer hebrides were more than amazing, I shall attempt a blog and upload of photos to flickr this weekend when im back in the big Winch.

possibly should run now to make a gold-dusted chocolate mouse cake with Hils... its hopefully going to be amazing...

x x x

he-brides

I am now about to embark on my final week of unemployment. I am thinking it will be hard to go back to working, but never mind. I guess I'll get used to it. I'll work in MK for about a month before toodling of to Nepaland.

Prior to rejoining the tax-paying workforce im off to the outer he-brides to spot he-brides i suppose. the outer hebrides are off the west coast of scotland... and not somewhere tropicalexotic. I have bought an exceedingly spangly camera (canon eos 400d) with which to capture the beautiful scenary in the hebrides... which is quite exciting, and i'll post pictures on flickr if they turn out nice.

tomorrow i'm following in spearsy's footsteps and going to vinopolis for wino tasting in Londres. excellent.

so until i return from the hebrides, over and out out.

Grannie racing

Hils gave me some wind up grannies pushing zimmer frames. they are hilarious. currently the wind up grannies are on tour in devon. visiting my grannie, grandpa, and their friends. photos below. next stop for the grannies will be nepal, end of october.

1. Wind up grannies
2. Groo and me racing them
3. Gramps, Pansy and Maurice smiling with the wind up Grannies

Trains, planes and automobiles

this weekend has been fun... i have enjoyed many forms of transport...

been on a train, (fairly unexciting),

been in a small 2 seater plane - where i got to play with the controls like the throttle (go fast), the flaps (changes the wing shape?), the steering wheel (i am certain it is not called a steering wheel - but basically touching it seems to change the direstion of the plane - left, right, up, down - oh so confusing), the peddles (steers the plane on the runway) and the brakes (stops the plane on the runway). Given my love (?) of flying this was fairly scarey... especially when Anthonys flying instructor who was flying the plane suggested doing a very steep bank just so i could see that the plane wouldnt fall out of the sky when that happened... its true the plane didnt fall from the sky but I still felt slightly ill. I noticed that many people in Hertfordshire have swimming pools, which is probably very nice for them. on the matter of swimming pools I also went in a Lido at the weekend, but as a lido is a pool, i dont think swimming can count as a form of transportation.

the last form of transportation was the car. I have decided that motorways are annoying and really even if trains are delayed and over priced at least you can read a book... driving on the motorway (and indeed driving generally) seems to involve a degree of concentration that doesnt allow for reading books... hmm

has anyone been to the outer hebrides? we have booked a holiday there in a couple of weeks... excellent. more flying and driving... but no trains... unless there is some form of miniture scottish railway that i can play on... i'm considering investing in a mid-range digital SLR, anyone with any advise on that too???

im sure other things have been happening... but for now they elude me...

nothing much to report

I’ve been bad at blogging… and at emailing people too. I feel like I’m busy doing lots of things, its just they’re not really very exciting to report about… unless you count the letter from the doctor which says “… your stool test is free of any parasites…” which means I didn’t actually acquire any evil or otherwise bugs in the bodge.

Yesterday Mely left for South Africa as the first stop on her 10month round the world trip. We somehow managed to pack her things into one rucksack, I discovered it’s a lot easier to be ruthless about what you do and don’t need to pack, when its not you that’s going. However I think she really did have everything she could possibly need and more… as for me, I think it looks like I will be heading to Kathmandu, Nepal, for a year at the end of October… it isn’t totally confirmed, but already thoughts of mountains and Maoists are exciting me…

This afternoon Hutchie and I are going to watch Ann of Green Gables video, courtesy of the Peck in Peru. It is all most exciting. Perhaps I shall blog about Ann of Green Gables next time… it would indeed be a thrill I am sure.

xox xox xox xox xox

Flickr

In true procrastination mode (I really should be devoting more time to sorting out the piles of junk I have collected over the nearly nearly 25 years of my life)... I have upgraded my flickr account to a pro one. Its really cheap and worth doing if, like me you are annoyed by the fact that with the free account you are only allowed 3 photo sets. The upgrade also allows me a larger upload limit per month etc... Anyways I have posted a few more photos of various bits and bobs. Possibly not that exciting, but you can have a look if you want.

mooncup???

I think perhaps this blog entry is only of direct relevance to ladies...
I have been a convert to the mooncup for nearly 4 years and in that time I think have only successfully managed to convert 2.5 people to the ways of the mooncup… most people seem to be grossed out by the thought of it, although theyre all missing out bigtime in my opinion… when flicking through the guardian today I read an article in the ethical living section: Is it OK to ... use tampons?

I then remembered all about my loverly mooncup and thought perhaps I could do a bit of online promotion for this most useful of items… The guardian article linked above mentioned a recent article in the Times extolling the virtues of the mooncup, so I found it and have decided that it is far more eloquent than I am about these matters.. I think I’ll paste it below. Not sure if that violates some sort of copywrite but im not claiming that theyre my words… it’s a bit long I suppose… but in summary, the mooncup is the safe, environmentally friendly and cheap alternative to tampons or sanitary towels… and in my opinion everyone should have one.

The Times. August 12th 2006
One small step for women
Serena Mackesy landed on an alternative to tampons and is now a happy devotee

Eighteen months ago, I was in a supermarket loo. The usual hell-hole of overflowing sanitary bins. Looking up, I saw a sticker on the back of the door. “You can stop using tampons!” it said. “Mooncup reusable menstrual cup. Safer. Greener. Cheaper”. It had a website and telephone number. I checked it out and came away £18 lighter in the wallet. The stickers come with the cup when you buy one. And there can be fewer higher recommendations than a satisfied user guerrilla-sticking your ads.
If you can cope only with references to “wings” and being able to ride/swim/dance at that time of the month, stop reading here. Because menstruation is a messy subject. And the usual methods for dealing with periods have significant drawbacks.

Tampons and towels leak, no matter what the advertisements say. The sticky strip on the underside of sanitary towels is either too sticky or not sticky enough, and you’re perpetually aware that you are wearing them. Tampons have been known to cause toxic shock syndrome, a rare and occasionally deadly Staphylococcus aureus infection. There are only 40 cases a year in the UK, two to three of which are fatal, but half of those are associated with tampon use, which gives pause for thought.

In addition, unless you hunt down organic tampons, you are putting chlorine-bleached, deodorised (Tampax advertises one of its products on the strength of its deodorant content) rayon inside your body. As tampons soak up moisture, they dry out your vagina’s natural self-cleaning mechanisms, leaving it prone to thrush and vaginosis, a smelly bacterial infection. Vaginosis is treated with antibiotics (which can also result in thrush) and if left untreated can lead to infection during and after childbirth.

Then there’s the discomfort. In the first couple of days of a period you can be changing the tampons every couple of hours; by the latter days, insertion and removal can feel like rubbing yourself with sandpaper.

Furthermore there’s the environmental impact. The average woman uses nearly 17,000 disposable pads and tampons in a lifetime. An estimated eight billion of these end up in Britain’s sewage system, causing 70 per cent of blockages in the system. And once fished out, what’s not incinerated becomes landfill. Or ends up on our beaches. Nice.

And then, there is the Mooncup. Menstrual cups, made of latex, have been around since the 1930s, but this one, made of the same medical-grade nonallergic silicone used in, among other things, replacement heart valves, initially hit the market four years ago. It is not dissimilar to a diaphragm. Roughly 5cm (2in) long, it forms a light seal with your vaginal walls and can hold up to 30ml of fluid at a time, roughly a third of the entire average menstrual flow and three times the quantity that a tampon can hold.

And it’s reusable. A Mooncup lasts for years, just like a heart valve. As long as your hands are clean, you just empty it, flush it out (or wipe it round if you haven’t any water handy) and reinsert it as often as you would a tampon. And give it the odd boiling, in the manner of sterilising baby bottles. That’s it. Yes, I know. Most people’s initial reaction is “Yuk!” But think about it. A body is only a body and though we’ve become squeamish about menstruation, not helped by the you-need-an-applicator school of tampon marketing, menstruation is not going to go away. There’s a certain skill involved in getting something as pliable and bouncy as a Mooncup to fold neatly into four and to go up inside you without it shooting across the room. But in my case it took only three goes, and if you remember the grim horror of the first onset of your periods, three goes is nothing.

Much has been written on women’s chatroom pages on the internet extolling the virtues of the Mooncup and, if you trawl hard enough, there is the odd negative story to be found, such as the odd complaint of leakage. However, this is simple to sort out: the cup has a stem at the bottom that needs to be trimmed with scissors to fit the individual user. One user — who admits that she has an unusually narrow, long, vaginal canal — found that her Mooncup formed such a tight seal that she ended up in casualty getting it removed the first time she used it. But even she recommends it. I can’t think of another product that seems to have inspired such affectionate enthusiasm in its users.

I have become a proselytiser since I got my own. As well as its being a healthy option — associate specialist obstetrician and gynaecologist at Dumfries Royal Infirmary, Heather Currie, says it is a good thing — the practical advantages of using a Mooncup are manifold. No leakages. None of those panic moments when you realise that your tampon needs changing and you have to find a loo, right now. And not only does your handbag become a tampon-free zone but you can also go travelling for months at a time without carting supplies around (and if you’ve ever looked for tampons in a third-world country, you’ll know what I mean).
And you save money. For example, if you use just one box of 30 Tampax tampons a month at £4.50, that’s £54 a year, as against £18 for several years’ use — and there’s no environmental pollution. I wish that someone had told me about the Mooncup years ago. I wouldn’t say that periods have suddenly become a pleasure, but they’re no longer the pain they once were.
The Mooncup costs £17.99 (www.mooncup.co.uk), inc p&p, 01273 673845; or from Boots (www.boots.com)

Cycling in london: Lessons learnt

Possibly because my name is Sarah Telford, I managed to make a complete mission out of cycling the 2 miles from London Waterloo to Euston. I attach a map of my route below, admittedly the detour to London Bridge was intentional.

Lessons learnt:
1. Do not cycle along the southbank at lunchtime, during the school holidays, unless a) you prefer to walk your bike or b) you wish to reduce the numbers of tourists, children and/or joggers in London.
2. Do not cycle in London without a map (preferably an A-Z)
3. Do not rely on direction from maps attached to bus stops (they seem to be very vague)
4. Do not cycle through Parliament square unless you like traffic lights, huge volumes of traffic, security cordons, being shouted at by police, tourists etc… getting lost and going in totally the wrong direction is preferable to prolonging the agony that is Parliament Square.
5. Passing through Pimilco (on the way to Euston) it would be wise to stop and seek directions from tourists on the pavement clearly studying an A-Z. The unwise decision is to take a random side road and see where it goes.
6. Sighting Battersea Power station does not mean one is close to Euston.
7. Neither does passing by Chelsea Pensioners Hospital.
8. Remember that many busses and taxis would prefer cyclists to be small squashed speed bumps rather than annoyances in the bus lane. As such be on guard, and possibly invest in a wing mirror.
9. If, on fearing for ones life or sanity, one decides to walk along the pavement with bike, do not expect pedestrian members of the public to greet you with smiles or appreciation for the excess space you are taking up… this is of particular note at traffic lights.
10. Interestingly despite Cambodians hardly ever obeying any traffic rules they are far more considerate towards cyclists than people in London town.

Rather lax

I think I have been rather lax on the old blogging front of late... I've now made it back from Ausland... it was a really lovely holiday... at somepoint i might sort out my flickr account and upload some photos in an organised manner... Jack was highly entertaining. He taught me many things, one of which being that in Pirate language 'Hairy Willy' means dried fish... he has the book to prove it... I'm sure you can imagine many incredibly mature conversations about hairy willies...
aside from that I watched Valient - a kids cartoon about carrier pidgeons in WWII - on repeat (yar, Herr General)... did lots of cycling up and down hills, found the cheese factory, found the distillery, was entertained by primary school sports day, was locked in a chicken house, went on some loverly walks, made and ate cakes and pizzas, spoke to a class of 7 year olds about Cambodia (this mainly revolved around eating flys and burning poo as a means of reducing the numbers of trees cut down)... etc...

Then home via Singapore and a Sushi with Markyboy back to Heathrow with no trouble on the airport security front. In fact Singapore airlines didn't seem to object to my 3 pieces of handluggae weighing over 20kg, which was most most fortunate.

Spent the last weekend in the Lake district with Anthony, feeling as if I was in Swallows and Amazons. Seriously that is a legendary film... must dig out the video... When we went sailing I had to restrain myself from trying to land on an island and start exploring and setting up camp... (un?)fortunately my sailing skills would not really have allowed it I rather think...
Lake district was tres nice... I forget how nice England is...

Now back in the big Winch... considering doing something constructive with my time... current thought is sort out the many boxes of junk (can I purge myself of any possessions???) I posses and perhaps redecorate (read pollyfill the holes) in my bedroom walls...

Not sure what I'm doing in October... Laos, Nepal, Timbucktu... who knoweth.... in the meantime I shall become practiced at being a lady at leisure... perhaps I should join the WI?

tumdiddlium
I will try and think of more unexciting events to write about. In the meantime overandout!

x x x x x

Mt Tambourine

I have arrived on the mountain of Tambourines and all is well.
cousin Jack is tall and goes to school and can read books and has a penknief! He is most grown up... but still entertaining!
I am trying to stop myself taking my shoes off before entering buildings, enjoying the tap water, trying not to be too distressed at the cost of everything... loving the total peace and tranquility there is in this place - no more building noises at 5 in the morning... no more crazy traffic... just the smell of trees and the noise of birds...

oh and its cold... i swear there was frost on the ground this morning... but apparently its only dew... oh I just love snuggling under 2 duvets and a blanket mmmm

more excitingly I bought the Guardian weekly today... the guardian... how i missed it... at last we are reunited in paper form, the internet just isnt quite the same.

by the way is britney spears pregnant again?

gone... singapore

well i have made it to singapore quite nicely... aside from sitting across the isle from a vomiting woman and next to a very sweet, but slightly trying (if it had been a long haul flight) man called Kok (pronounced Coke)... I think he had a learning difficaulty (not sure if that is PC way to say it) and possibly something else as he seemed to be frothing at the mouth! Anyway we had a very long conversation, which started with him asking me if i was sleeping - my eyes were closed... he told me about Toys R Us (he loved the place), Barbara Streisand (he hadnt heard her music but knew she was a singer) about how he had completed an adult education course... about living in Cambodia for 4 months where his relatives had sent him to work on the farm but as he had lived in the US all his life this was a shock... about food... about how he thought singaporiajn women looked nice.. about the lack of toothpaste on the plane... it went on and on... but he was well meaning!

so now have been enjoying singapore airport which is lovely.. free foot massage machines... subway sandwhiches, a sunflower garden (which if you got rid of the smokers) was the perfect place to laze in the sun and watch the planes take off.. lots of shops to look at... actually i think a combination of being tierd and sad at leaving the bodge and being in transit makes me feel slightly bamboozeled by al, of the gliter, and shiny products and organisedness of it all. PP was nice, but chaotic. so reverse culture shock or something... im glad i have my mp3 player...

oh yes.. the luggage... by the time i got to the airport my checked bagage was 10kg over and hand luggae was about 20kg (all 3 pieces of it).. managed to get away with the handluggage and negotiated with them to only pay 50% of the excess cost they wanted to whack me for... which was about 25 squids so not too tragic...
half the luggage is left here in left luggae now, so i should be ok to and from ausland... its just the flight to londres!

ok must run think theyre calling my flight..

xxxxxxx

going going...

so...
1 hour till the taxi comes to take me to the airport... considering its not yet 9am I have been very busy.. final packing... cycling round town to take photos.. feeding my friends kitten... eating musli and yoghurt at the traiditional pre-flight cafe - ive eaten musli at the same place before Anthony, Clari and Dad left... oh how i love routene?!

All that is left is for me to convince the check in staff that 15kg of hand luggage and 8kg over on my checked baggage allowance is perfectly ok and that i should not, under any circumstances be charged excess... ho hum

actually I packed in a rush last night and I have a feeling I may be wandering round australia half naked as hardly anything would fit in the backpack for aus apart from the vast volumes of gifts... the other heavier backpack will have to stay in Singapore left luggage as I have even less luggage allowwance for the Aus part of my flights

last day at work yesterday was really sad... oh my team are so lovely... I shall miss them muchly... now must dash and put on my sweater and jacket... hmm thats a good point I wont be running round Aus half naked as i'm wearing more clothes than I've worn in 6 months... who needs a sauna thats what I say...

over and out

tick tock

tickticktock
goes the time

it is dawning on me that i am leaving in about 36hours. I dont like to think about these things too much, or I get sad... best to stay in denial as long as possible.

This weekend has been lovely... spent Saturday on a mountain with beautiful lakes and waterfalls, having a BBQ with my team from work, and then today at the zoo with some friends. At the zoo i saw tigers and monkeys and otters and sun bears and crocodiles and other random animals... the enclosures are not really too bad, and the setting is lovely, with lots of trees. BUT you can get right next to the cages and despite signs telling you not to feed the animals it was possible to touch, stroke and feed all of the animals... in fact it was possible to buy a coconut from some kids hanging around and then they would throw the coconut into the bears cage and assuming it didnt knock the bear out you could watch it eat it... i'm not sure thats such a good thing!

so i am feeling sad about going. I thought because I was only here 6 months, and living somewhere that is more guest house than home, that I wouldnt let the Bodge get to me like Mongoland... cant be doing with pining for years over more countries... but you know I will miss so many lovely people - really I have the best team at work ever... the warm weather, the mentalist traffic, the chaos, the massages, the riding on the back of a motobike, the cheapness of everything, the yummy yummy food (I can see rice withdrawal being an issue)... the bike rides...
Tomorrow is the last day at work... which will be the sadest thing to leave i thinks... but i shall look forward to seeing the aussies... that should distract me... that and my fear of flying...
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk 4 planes in the next 2.5 weeks sounds nasty to me

must dash... and pack possibley???

xxx

more photos

just uploaded some more photos onto flickr just random round and about the place ones... also trying to add some of my better ankor ones as i think the ones up now arent the best!

Ammusements

The following story in the news here entertained me. My friend that works at USAID verified that it was absolutely correct!

The US Embassy in Cambodia mistakenly received a shipment of 140,000 bullets instead of the delivery of artworks it had ordered to decorate its new USAID offices.
The mix up was apparently caused by Thai Airways, which mislabelled the cargo… apparently the bullets were supposed to be going to Finland (why?… perhaps for moose shooting?)… anyways the bullets weren’t actually anything to do with the US government but they got them all the same.
Of course this event generated much comedy comment about bullets as art in testimony to the great Bush etc etc

Other amusements has been todays rain… cycling home and the water nearly covered my wheels. This wasn’t a problem in itself, however whenever a bally Lexus (I think perhaps I have issues with these machines) drove past the wake made me wobble… but I did not fall off. hoorah

bally corruption

This shall be a rant about the bally corruption that occurs at all levels in this country… Last week I went to the post office and there was a bit of a debacle when they tried to overcharge me lots and I made them re-weigh the envelope with the scales on the counter so that I could see exactly how much less than they claimed, the envelope really weighed (standard practice is the scales are under the counter)… anyways today I went to the post office again and after they told me some crazy price for a couple of large envelopes I again insisted they showed me the scales. Absolutely not, the bally woman refused and just turned her back on me when I tried to push the issue (Asian non-confrontation?)… Can you imagine if this sort of thing happened at home grrr… I really wished I spoke kick ass Khmer and then I would have let rip properly… so I just grabbed my post and stormed out… and was mad for a couple of minutes… but its hard to stay mad… I’m sure like every other public sector employee they’re woefully underpaid, and ripping off people over the price of their stamps is a means of survival… perhaps I would feel better if I scratched up a couple of Lexus and Mercedes owned by high ranking government officials?

Ok perhaps not… aside from not really being criminally minded, the prospect of extending my stay here… in a Cambodian prison is not a particularly thrilling one…

Dentist 2

Sooo i decided not to go for an appointment with the unqualified dentist. after asking around i heard of a Khmer dentist that had been trainned by german missionaries so thought i would give that a go... in the interests of saving fast quantities of cash...
i toodled in to a little dentist place which was considerably less glamourous than the place i went to last weekend. no appointment needed and i was shown out the back where there was a row of dentist chairs with low screens dividing it up. I was glad it was empty... hearing the screams of the next paitient might have been disconcerting.
So i told the very sweet english speaking dentist that i thought i needed a filling. he examined my teeth and said they were amazing. no fillings needed... they looked very strong yadda yadda. Not sure which 'dentist' was correct but i figure it would be in his interest to tell me i did need fillings cos then he could charge me lots of money, so im inclined to think i dont need fillings. I opted for a scale and polish (after asertaining all equipment was sterilised)... and he did a great job. much time was lavished on my little teeth, much better than bally england where dentists exist to extract vast volumes of cash from you for doing very little... Half way through the procedure, whilst i was rinsing my mouth i mentioned my wisdom teeth had been aching. ''oh'', said the dentist man, ''let me me help you''. He then proceeded to massage my jaws intermitedly whilst polishing my teeth. Very sureal especially as i felt his face was rather too close to mine durring this procedure. Anyways i escaped unscathed and unmarried and for $8 (they gave me $2 discount for some inexplicable reason) i was happy doo da...

other events this weekend have been cycling around the countryside, which is starting to look very lush and green... spending much money in the markets, and sorting sorting sorting out my junk and getting ready to fly fly fly high in the sky to australia. where i shall watch people stop at traffic lights, drink water from a tap, drink fresh milk and most excitingly go to a cheese factory near to where my auntie lives... mmmmmm think of all that cheese... yumyumyum so 1 week and 1 dayo left in the country. Time flies when youre having fun...

much love
me xxxx

teeth

Today I decided to go to see the dentist, not because I have toothache, just because I havnt been to a dentist for 2 years and I thought it had to be cheaper here than at home. There is a very posh shiny new clean looking place near to where I swim so I thought id give it a try – no appointment necessary. The check up was free, which was surprising. They showed me in a mirror that 2 of my teeth have smallsmall holes in which it might be wise to fill. I’m not particularly surprised given the number of biscuits I have eaten in the 2 years since I last saw a dentist. So the question is do I have them filled in the bodge? Or do I wait till I come home? It will cost less than $US20 to do them both, with a composite filling. Apparently I could have mercury fillings if I wanted hahahaha… I was thinking I would go for it, but decided to just check with the ‘dentist’ that he was qualified. I felt embarrassed asking, but he laughed at me and said that oh no he wasn’t trained, he was doctor who had just been playing dentists for the last 10 years… hmmm so at this point I decided to leave and ponder the wisest move. I’m inclined to just get them filled but I don’t want to end up poisoned or with no teeth…
Ed – my cheapskate mentor what would you do? Would you get them done here to save some $$$?

A perm!!!!

This last week seems to have sped by and im steaming towards the end of my time here… pondering constantly how im going to make my luggage = 30kg. As per usual I’ve accumulated many things.

So I’m leaving here in less than 3 weeks, and I’ve now got tickets sorted to go to Aus on the way home to see my auntie and uncle and the wonderful jackjack… who is now 7 years of age which is a shocking fact really. Then I should be back in englandos on the 11th August… and I believe Nadj is collecting me from the airport in a pink limousine with pink polar bear fur seats… so we can celebrate her birthday in style. Helicopters were also mentioned.

What next is unknownunknown… but I don’t think I will be unemployed… the question is more where I shall be employed. Ho hum didlium

So yes I thought I should write about my perm. I have been ruminating over whether to have one for some time… seems like such a comedy thing to do… so I went with my friend to the salon… all very nice. Many Lexus’ parked outside = indication that people of wealth used the establishment… however we got board of waiting so went somewhere else, which was probably nicer, albeit there were no cars parked outside.
Now I am a hairdresser novice. I was trying to count how many times I have been to a hairdresser in my life and it is honestly less than 7… I thought with a perm they might just rub some stuff in your hair and leave it to dry and that would be it… but apparently not. It was a 3 hour process involving a long hairwash… a hair cut… many pink curlers wrapped in my hair (see photo), much chemicals applied and then sitting around whilst it set and then another hair rinse, and then mousing… phew… the results are also depicted in the photo. I am not totally convinced, but it still isn’t dry yet… I also think putting bally mouse in my hair every 3 days will be a pain in the ass bone… and I cant believe it will last 6-12 months… surely not?! Also I think that a bit of my hair at the front isn’t permed properly and it looks odd so I might have to venture back there tomorrow and get them to fix it… anyways it cost US$20.. which apparently is expensive… but seemed like a bargain for me given it was 3hrs of 2 peoples time… now I am under strict instructions not to wash my hair for 3 days. YUK.



Also this week I met up with Gilb who was passing through on his south east asian tour. Was very nicenice to catch up and meet some of his travelling friends… made a change from expats and Khmers…

drugs

Today I went to the chemist to buy some paracetamol. It was a surprisingly exciting trip. The shop smelt like I remember the vets smelling when we used to take our cats there when I was little. The shelves were stacked chocablock wall to ceiling with boxes and jars and sachets of potions.
I decided to do a little experiment and see what prescription drugs I could get over the counter. I can only conclude that really you can get whatever you want really… no hassles… what is more scary is that many of the drugs do not come in a packet and therefore have absolutely NO instructions, warnings etc… although you could argue many Cambodians wouldn’t be able to read instructions in English anyway. I have heard so many stories of the inadequate medical system here where people are prescribed the wrong drugs, conflicting drugs etc etc… people are undiagnosed, wrongly diagnosed etc… one of my friends was told she could only see the scan she had had done if she signed up for an operation (which she didn’t need)! These are the lucky people… the people who can afford drugs and health care. Most people cant.

Anyways back to the drug store (oh how American is that?)… I was actually thinking that despite the obvious draw backs and potential for serious serious disaster of an unregulated pharmaceutical market, there could be some positives, especially with the volume of information on the internet. For example it is possible to establish which drugs are licensed in the UK, and what they’re licensed for, it is possible to find out from both drugs companies, and users of drugs what are the benefits and negative side effects of different drugs, and of course there are many reputable self diagnostic sites. Sooo for people who are reasonably literate and sensible, one could by pass the need for a doctor for simple ailments or repeat prescriptions, which could be useful for those who cant access a doctor or cant afford doctors fees…

In balance tho, I think we are extremely fortunate and protected by the fact that we do have a regulated pharmaceutical market in the UK… however whilst im here… any orders for drugs ;o)

Psychology of grey weather…

I didn’t realise that living in England for the best part of 25years could give me such long term psychological damage… it is very grey outside and I don’t want to leave the office and go home because I am scared it will be nasty and cold… but actually I know that it is boiling hot… but that fact isn’t really conveying itself to the part of my brain that moves my feet…

a life of leisure....

In the interests of trying out all possible combinations and permutations of massages before I leave this haven of massage-ness I have been deviating from the usual full body aromatherapy massage... and in recent weeks I have had a Thai massage where a midget Thai lady tried (unsuccessfully) to click every joint in my body. I can only conclude we Europeans are not as clicky as Asians... one of my colleagues at work can even click his neck whilst sitting looking at his computer (legend)... the Thai massage also involved her walking all over my back and feet and trying some strange maneuvre where she lifted and twisted me round... for a midget (well small person) she was rather strong...
today I went for an Indian head massage... lying on the cushions, under the aircon, listening to sounds of the forest (piped in over a posh sound system) was a nice was to laze away the hot lunch time hour... however I did wonder why on earth I was paying someone $10 to bore their fingers into my skull and pull at my hair (does anyone know how an Indian head massage for bald people works?)... I don’t think ill try another one of those... especially as they used this kind of massage oil/gel stuff and despite washing my hair 2x today it still looks greasy - as if I haven’t washed it for a month... nice...

oooo thoughts on hair... I’m thinking of getting a perm... which is comedy... in the sense that I’m really not a spend 5 hours in front of the mirror doing my hair and make up sort of girl... in fact I can safely say I have been to a hairdresser 3 times in the last 2 years... however I’ve never had curly hair and I thought it might be interesting... a one off experience... just to see what I look like... but I’m not totally convinced about the chemicals being poured all over my head mlarky...
we shall see... I shall keep you updated... if I start blogging from a hospital in Bangkok you know it all went wrong...

My elfname is....

quite by chance i have stumbled on a random website (blogthings.com)
which tells you all sorts of useless information about yourself...

so i thought i would enlighten you with some little known facts about me.

My elfname is: FURRY SNOWBALLER (do not ask me how this is calculated - I am certain its not scientific)....

My ''sexy Brazilian'' name is: Rafaela Peixe

The car I should drive is: Jaguar XK 4.2 (wont say no to one of them...)

I am 23% american (apparently this means pretty un-american.. good... no offence sadiebaksh)

I am not scarry

In my past 'animal life' i was a fox... edward???

My mind is 'a creative hotbed of artistic talent'.

I am 12% Psychopath...


I hope you now feel as enlightened as I do

Change

you can always count on Tracy Chapman for some thought provoking lines....

Change
Tracy Chapman

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of god and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

photos

ive just uploaded a few more photos onto flickr - see link on right hand side

karaoake and mud

I am currently typing this lying in my hammock, eating popcorn… seeing the screen is proving hard through the glare of the sun and my scratched up sunglasses… note to self: investing in some decent non scratch sporty type sunglasses might be wise before going mountain biking in a dirt bath…

There has just been a short interlude, during which (and I lie not) my hammock has broken… I was just lying back and the next thing I new the ropes snapped and I was on the floor… ooops…I have either become incredibly fat or the ropes have rotted… I am inclined to think the latter is true, its not like I'm eating lead bricks… popcorn is really quite light… I suppose this means I will have to buy a new hammock…tomorrow is another public holiday (Queens Birthday) so I shall go a shopping!

Since I last wrote I've had a couple of amusing experiences that I thought I might write about… the first one was at the beach. Anyone who has spent much time in Asia will know they’re mad crazy about karaoke… karaoke here involves renting a room and then just singing or dancing with your friends (I’m not sure if you could rent a room on your own… but possibly?)… the other thing about Asian karaoke is that pretty much most karaoke bars seem to double up as brothels… so anyways we went to the karaoke on our last night at the beach. We went to a pretty high class establishment (identified as such by the large numbers of mercs and land cruisers outside)… even so I was slightly concerned about how old some of the ‘beer girls’ looked… ho hum… lets just hope they were having safe sex. Once in our Karaoke room we probably disappointed the staff by just drinking water and not ordering any ‘extras’… being with mostly Khmers we mostly did Khmer karaoke.. Khmer just looks like squiggles to me… so no chance of singing along… however of course the time came for me to sing a song… what to sing was the problem… for some unknown reason I opted for ‘locomotion’ by kylie, everyone was waiting with baited breath for the song to queue… I had the microphone ready and was watching the screen intently… however the opening words revealed that there was some error, the qued song was certainly not locomotion, but something random which I had never ever heard before… there followed 3 painful minutes whilst I hacked my way through a random unknown song, my colleagues laughed at me and scantily clad women danced on a ski slope on the karaoke screen (I really don’t know what the ski slope was about)… so kylie take2… in retrospect choosing kylie was a mistake… I know the chorus to locomotion, but the rest of it I haven’t a clue… I’m not even a big Kylie fan… hmmm… anyways it was entertaining, especially as the karaoke movie this time around was scenes from Saltsburg (singing Kylie to scenes from the sound of music is soooo wrong)…

Enough about karaoke bars… next excitements happened today, when I took advantage of my half decent Vietnamese bike and went for a ride with a friend. Oh how I love riding my bike. It was a great ride up a dirt road alongside the river, passing through some little villages, wooden houses all higgledy pigildy on stilts… neither of us are going-back-the-way-we-come types… so we determined to find a nice loop back to the main road… this involved riding along ever deteriorating mud tracks… through rice fields… we were hoping that the land markers were not actually land mine markers, we knew they weren’t, but thoughts of being blown to bits do float across your mind… anyways it was a bit bumpy but the tracks were not a problem in itself until it started to rain… it didn’t even rain that hard, and my initial concern was the degree to which my clothes would go see-through… however I soon realised this was really a secondary concern as the mud started sticking to the wheels… and then more mud started sticking and soon, as soon as I had unclogged the mud with sticks even more mud had got attached… I should perhaps note that the soil is like clay… so in effect my bike was fast becoming a clay model… sticks were proving ineffective at declogging so I just was pulling off the clay with my hands… getting myself more and more filthy… in the end, after going less than 30meters in 10 minutes I realised the only choice was to carry my bike, it wasn’t going to be ridden or pushed anywhere the mud-clay was so thick. My nice orange Vietnamese bike isn’t that heavy, but the added weight of the clay made it a little tricky… as did attempting to stay upright, whilst lugging the bike walking barefoot through the slippery mud – I had to carry my sandals as they were fast turning into high heels the amount of mud they were collecting… anyways so we are slowly slip walking along a mud track, bikes in the air, in the middle of Cambodian nowhere when my bike slips and the front wheel fork swings snap shut onto my wrist… ooops. The outcome of this was that I nearly passed out and had to crouch with my head between my knees to stop meself throwing up… anyways we had to go onwards, couldn’t just stop… we really were in the middle of no where useful…I estimate we walked for 1.5-2km carrying the bikes which was increasingly hard with my left wrist being slightly buggered… I know our mud covered appearance caused much amusement to bystanders… proving to Khmers that fancy foreign bikes are just as useless at dealing with mud as their grannie bikes.... Eventually we met the graded road… and a power hose (there are power hoses all over this country… presumably as mud clogs up everyone’s motos?)… the bikes, shoes and feet and hands were power hosed sparkly clean and ride-able whilst we supped sweet sweet sugar cane juice (dad will appreciate this)… then back to Phnom Penh along the main road… tricky as by this time I was really only able to cycle one handed as the vibrations from the road annoyed my wrist… my friends cartilage in her knee was also causing problems… it might all sound rather messy, but it was soooperdoooper fun… its good to have adventures me thinks, stops life getting too dull…

Now my wrist has had a little rest it feels marginally better but its fairly bruised and my hand tingles… however typing this isn’t too hard… I shall see if it improves, before considering attempting to find a doctor… I don’t think Cambodia is a centre of health excellence in the world… although its not the worst. According to the WHO Myanmar has the worse health care service in the world… mmm its really quite close to here, perhaps I could go on a medical vacation….

I think that’s enough from me

Love and lovely muddy bikes

Me x x x x

world cup updates

I thought I would write a brief update from the beach... as I type I am looking out over white sands, at the lovely warm blue blue sea... mmmmm

actually I am at the beach to do work... team planning and team building... the team building bit is the fun bit because it means we can play play play... hooray!

Yesterday we arrived and went down to the beach... we ate BBQed squid and then got down to playing football... now I am fairly rubbish at this sort of thing but it was amusing running around in the sand and I scored a hat trick... (I think this is more due to the fact that no one wanted to tackle the foreigner than skill on my part). Lots of kids joined in, a chance for them to stop selling bracelets or collecting rubbish and just mess around like children should...
according to my colleagues Cambodians are really into football, and watch as many of the world cup matches as they can stay awake for (we are 6hrs ahead here)... teams supported are England and Brazil! When questioned about the Cambodian national squad they unanimously concluded they were rubbish.. Loosing every game... although apparently the under 14 squad is great!

After football people decided to go swimming... I should mention that when most Cambodians go swimming they just run in the water in their clothes and don’t actually swim (they cant)... but splash around... looking around the beach in Sianoukville you notice a stark contrast between the scantily bikini clad foreign tourists and the Cambodians in their shorts and vests... the small irony is that sometimes due to the see-through nature of their clothes the Cambodians can be revealing more than the foreigners!
now my swim suit was back in the hotel, but I would have felt uncomfortable wearing it anyways what with everyone else being fully dressed... unfortunately I was wearing some trousers which are really quite loose and I thought they would fall off in the water - nightmare! Fortunately a kid selling beach shorts came to my rescue and for 1 English pound I bought a pair of blue shorts which have ''World Cup 2010'' embroidered on them... interesting... it doesn’t say South Africa or anything like that so perhaps they were made before that location was announced? anyways these shorts were preferable to the white ones with palm trees (huge see-through potential there) or the purple ones with sleeping dogs on them (nasty) or the ones which were designed for thin Asians and not fat telfys (most of the selection)

once I was suitably dressed in shorts and t-shirt I could go play in the sea... oh the warm warm sea... so unlike the cold Atlantic sea...

over and out xx

itchy head

i've noticed my head has been itching recently. perhaps i have lice... ive slept in some fairly scanky looking places... or perhaps its just itchy... interesting.

last night i decided to half watch the last 20min of the england paraguay game... commentary was in Vietnamese... the only things i understood were the cries of 'day-vid beeeek-ham' and 'steee-van jeee-rard'.. there wasnt a nice little score tally in the top right hand corner like on the BBC, so it wasnt until they fortunately flashed the score up at the end that i knew we won!

ooo other exciting things that i have spied on TV was that apparently yesterday was the 'world naked bike ride' why didnt i know about this? would have been great in Phnom Penh... possibly...
actually it all looked a bit naked for my liking, but good idea!http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/5067154.stm


im currently trying to upload some photos of 'nam onto flickr... if it works and you fancy a look there is a link on right hand side of this page xxxxxxx

The ride

I have been meaning to write an update about my trip to ‘nam for a few days, but just havnt found the time to sit down and collate my thoughts into something for the old blog!

Now I have just finished a lunch of sour soup and crab and other yummies and I have some time… actually on the lunch note, the soup was not soured by tamarind (as usual) but by these strange insects that looked like mini wasps… slightly disconcerting to eat at first, but I got used to it…

So the trip to nam… well last I wrote I was sitting in Ho Chi Minh pondering whether the bikes we had picked up would make it back to Phnom Penh… they did indeed do the distance… 298km in 2.5days wasn’t bad going considering the heat and humidity!

Day 1 – the ride from Ho Chi Minh to Bavat (Cambodian boarder town) via some tunnels used by the viet cong during the Vietnam/American war – was pretty adventurous… mostly because the tunnels were not on the main road, and required some navigation through the Vietnamese countryside. We were armed with maps – but these turned out to be slightly dodgy, and anyways we didn’t really meet any Vietnamese who could read maps very well… indeed the Vietnamese we met couldn’t really speak English either which made getting lost an interesting experience… so yes we got lost… alas for all its lovely smooth roads Vietnam hasn’t developed brown signs to major tourist attractions… each time we got lost or in trouble we were helped by some incredibly lovely people, which restored some of my faith in humanity (it has taken a knocking in the bodge with all the corruption and stamping on small people that goes on here….)
The first time we were lost we stopped at a petrol station to ask for help… pointing at the map and gesturing about tunnels… everyone looked confused, but then these two men on a moto with limited English said we should follow them… so they poodled off down the road and we tried to keep up with them for about 5km back the way we came… they stopped at a shop and went and bought us another map and drew a line on it the way we were supposed to go… very very nice of them… so off we went again and all went well until we started thinking that perhaps we were not quite on the road we thought we were on… especially when people kept telling us it was another 20km to the tunnels… hmmm well I think we took a wrong turning or something, but we ended up doing 2 long sides of a triangle rather than one short one… but we did eventually make it to the tunnels… there we watched a promotional video about ‘America and her lacky’s’ and then went around the tunnel system which was pretty amazing, even if it was reconstructed (apparently so the fat westerners could go down the tunnels… Vietcong were very small… hence the Americans couldn’t follow them in the tunnels). We got our photos taken by Vietcong (well dummies dressed up as Vietcong)… my dad got to climb on an American tank that had been partially blown up… and we ate tapioca (as the Vietcong did)… I never realised tapioca was a plant… finally there was the horrible shooting range where my dad fired an AK47 and an M16 I think… guns are evil things, they were so loud and just make me think of all the damage they can do to peoples lives… what is the point?… ho hum.
It then started to thunder which added to the feeling that we had stepped back in time and were about to be bombed by B52s… back at the bikes I discovered that minimiffy (smallsmall toy miffy animal) had fallen off my bag where she was attached… (minimiffy had been keen to learn about the vietcong you see)… this was verging on a minor tragedy, I couldn’t just abandon minimiffy to the Vietnamese jungle… soooo I paid the guide again to take me round the tunnels and forests to find minimiffy (I am sure this amused/confused him highly)… we couldn’t find her in the tunnels and I really was despairing of ever seeing her again when we arrived back at the shooting range and there she was talking to the shooting instructors. It would appear that minimiffy has less compunction about guns than I do… and is possibly now the sharpest toy rabbit shooter in the world?
By the time I returned to my poor dad it was raining monsoon styleee… we waited a bit to see if it would ease off… haha no chance! So we set off in the rain… me feeling very smug at having invested in some gore tex clothes and ortelieb panniers (I can confirm they’re 100% waterproof – we tested them real good)… there were a few small hills on our mission back to find the main road to the boarder and it was just nice to cycle up them and feel my cycling legs again… the roads were good, even in the countryside… although in saying that the drainage on the roads was CRAP, lots of cycling through floods! Also Vietnamese houses were not on stilts like in Cambodia and they had neat gardens with hedges, and at some points, in the rain and with the smooth road, I could imagine myself to be home…
So of course we got lost again… and this time a nice non-English speaking lady drew us a map of how to find the main road… if she hadn’t I think perhaps we still would be cycling round south Vietnam today… back on the main road and it was 5ish… still rainingraining and we were 40km from the boarder and had cycled 80 odd km already… we plodded on, and it got dark… plodded on for a long long time it seemed. Fortunately Vietnam has street lights… so we reached the boarder around 8ish after stopping for a genuine slap up Chinese… we declined the offer of a guesthouse, wanting to hop across the boarder and into a glittering casino we could see across the way… after clearing customs we soon discovered that no casinos wanted 2 mud splattered barangs (foreigners) on bikes to stay, we couldn’t even get past the guards at the entrances… it was past 9pm, the 1 guesthouse was full and I was a leeetle worried cos Cambodge in the dark… at a boarder town full of casinos and prostitutes and probably guns… we were really tired etc… and there was no room at the inn… I managed to get past the guards into the last casino (there followed a comedy moment as I tried to walk through the metal detector and they thought my camelpak drinking system was some sort of gun holster)… so inside the casino I tried to talk my way into the Casino’s hotel… I was looking pretty pathetic and I played up on that and the poor manager (who spoke English) was concerned for me… but we couldn’t stay… anyways pesterpester and he eventually agreed to call another guesthouse 2km down the road and see if there was a space.. there was and he booked us in, and he even came outside (by this time it was only drizzling) to point us in the right direction… seriously if there was no room at that guesthouse we would have been screwed… anyways we slept well that night!

Ok, the final 2 days of cycling in the bodge were less eventful, mostly because we just headed into Phnom Penh on highway number 1… long and mostly flat... varying quality and busy-ness (roads are no way as nice in Cambodia as ‘nam)… it was great just to see and smell the countryside… and interact with people a bit… something you don’t really do looking out of a bus/car window… sometimes kids would come and cycle alongside us for a km or so just to practice their English… we drank lots of sugar cane juice and even more water – wowing people with the camelpaks (why were we pouring bottles of water into our rucksacks??)… we chatted to some monks… watched the world go by… shouted ‘hello’ to the manymanymany children who called out as we cycled past… it was really nice… and hot and sunny… I wrapped a Cambodian scarf or Krama around my cycle helmet to keep the sun off my face, ears and neck… seemed to work, although my colleagues now say I am the same colour as a Cambodian (this is not a compliment and I feel they’re exaggerating the colour of my skin significantly)…

The final mornings ride back to PP involved crossing the Mekong and navigating along a narrow road with potholes the size of elephant’s feet, whilst ridiculous amounts of traffic sped past us, weaving in and out of other traffic, and generally driving in a manner that implied the driver was trying to kill himself, all his passengers and anyone else (including the barang cyclists) who happened to also be in the road… however we didn’t die… and made it into PP in time for lunch and a rest!

It was a really great trip… lots of fun. I am glad I did it…

Now today apparently is the start of the world cup…perhaps I should find out when England’s playing and who they’re playing? Hmm I don’t think football is popular in the bodge… if I didn’t watch the bbc in the morning I would probably be oblivious to the fact that Wayne Roony got injured a while ago… and that the world cup was taking place in Germany…

This is more than enough from me I think
X x x x

observations from a new country

sitting in a hotel lobby in Saigon/Ho Chi Minh city... we arrived in on the bus and picked up some hopefully not too tragic bikes and now am waiting for the room to be sorted!
Hilary my bike is predominantly orange. not through choice... there was no choice... but the range was better than PP... my bike is not designed for midgits...

i thought i would quickly write down some small observations from the 3 or so hours i have been here!

• PP is a village... this place is huge in comparison
• Everything is much cleaner, and better kept
• There are many motos... same as PP, but they seem to be in better condition on the whole.
• People in Vietnam dont wear motorbike helmets... in PP some people do wear them... but here i have seen i think only 1 person wearing one... silly
• People obey the traffic rules... i think i would feel guilty cycling down a one way street or jumping a red light!
• There are taxis... wow...
• There are tall glass type buildings...
• The roads dont have pot holes
• There is a KFC... i dont think there are any international fast food chains in PP...

I was thinking life in PP was pretty cushty, but perhaps coming here makes me realise that it might well be in comparison to UB... but Saigon is a whole new level of niceness... hmmm but i still dont think you can drink the water from the taps... oh i dream of a day when i can stick my head under a tap and drinkdrinkdrink

I think tomorrow we will head off on our new bikes back to the boarder... we might split the trip into 3 days rather than 2... it is hot and neither of us have cycled much this year... and our bikes are untested! This means tomorrow night looks like it might be spent at a casino on the boarder... i'm thinking there is potential for entertainment there...

love from me and uncle Ho x x x

updates

well i have calmed down slightly from my last blog... this blog is going to be a mixture of different thoughts i've been having the last few days...

1. at work i had been thinking something was missing... couldnt quite exactly put my finger on what tho! however on Monday I realised it was the ubiquitous picture of the old king, new king and Queen mother that are EVERYWHERE, especially in public buildings... there isnt actually a queen of cambodge although it is suspected that the new king is gay (i should say this could just be a malicious rumour, but he is 53, unmarried and used to be a ballet dancer in Paris).. the old king is still alive and mostly lives in a palace in North Korea... I suspect making random movies with Kim Jong il…i understand they both have a penchant for such activities... so my workplace doesnt have pictures of the royal family on the wall... or so i thought until i noticed the cleaning cupboard door was open... had a nose round, and there on the wall were the old king and queen smiling down on the mops and bottles of detol... the cleaner obviously isnt a fan of the new king...

2. rains continue... the last 2 days we have had heavy heavy rain and thunder and lightening at around 3.30 - 4.30 in the afternoon... it is so nice as everything just cools right down. however the drainage system in this place is crap. the last 2 days have seen me once more laughing aloud as i cycle through flooded streets (water covering almost the top of the wheel of my grannie bike)... calmly passing motos and cars which are flying everywhere... stalling... crashing into each other... i realised why these rich types drive round in their 4-by-4s they need them for the flash floods - some roads are impassable to all those not in 4x4, on grannie bikes or in boats. one rather large 4x4 drove past me too fast for my liking and created a wave of water that threatened to wobble me off my bike and into the murky waters... fortunately i stayed on!

3. my dad arrived on montag, and he has been touring PP... tomorrow we planned to cycle to Saigon/ Ho Chi Minh City... however today we went looking round the markets for some half decent bikes and could only find crappy ones designed for asian midgets... we decided that cycling 160miles on a dodgy bike designed for a 12 year old might not be fun... so we changed plans and are now busing it to Saigon ($6 - bargain)... and going to pick up some bikes there (im informed there is a much better range)... and then cycle home on saturday and sunday... i really hope we do get some half decent bikes cos it should be a good ride!
looking forward to going to 'nam... apparently as soon as you cross the boarder its like another world... lots busier, more developed etc... cycling back means that shopping will have to be kept to a minimum... no more Vietnamese tea sets for telfy then...
We might try and visit the viet cong tunnels... could be cool. Apparently there is also a shooting range where you can fire AK47s and other military hardware... i'm fairly anti guns etc at the moment, and cant see the attraction... although i guess i can see the macho, pretend like your a hero type thing... but it just seems bad taste, when you think what they can do to people's lives... bad taste like you wouldnt go around with a t-shirt with Hitler or pol-pot on the front... unless you were weird.

4. the arrival of dad bought many new toys for telfy... i now have a spangly new mp3 player (the old one was killed during a power surge).. it is green and exciting, and plays movies... which i didnt think would interest me, but you can get the complete series of ''the office'' uploaded for a couple of quid at the shop downstairs and i think that could be a good way to kill a bus journey... better than boxing orangutans... oh and i have a new compoooter. the old one was not killed by a power surge, but was very ancient (6 years)... it couldnt cope with me uploading digital photos and kept crashing... i think it only really functions as a typing machine... so i am very happy with my purchases, and my courior for shipping them for me... however i am dyspraxic (read clumsycareless), so i will try my very bestest not to ruin them anytime soon...


now off for diner i think xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx