Ponderings

I was thinking about what to write in this blog when I was cycling around and about this morning… then I came to the internet and was reading other peoples blogs and realized there was a something rather similar about Spearsy’s most recent blog and what I wanted to write about…great minds spearsy great minds…
Spearsy was saying how fragile life was after seeing pictures of the earthquake in Indonesia… I was thinking how fragile life was after watching someone go up in smoke as I cycled past the cremation tower in the temple at the end of my street, and because for the last few days I’ve been getting more and more __________ about the disparity in how people live in this country, and the fact that for so many people here life is as fragile as …. hmm an eggshell??? That’s pretty fragile right?
The blank line in the previous sentence is because I don’t quite know what the verb is I want to use… its partly angry, partly sad, and partly guilty…
I’m angry because some people in this country are so stupendously ridiculously rich, and they get that way treding on anyone and everyone… through corruption and through selling off natural resources etcetc… landmines and war and conflict in general is another thing that is making me mad… most days you see people who have had their lives damaged by violence.
I’m sad because of child mortality rates, illiteracy levels… levels of stunting and malnutrition, the highest HIV/AIDS incidence in Asia… statistics… it is easy to let them run over you without taking in what they mean to real people… but everyday I see the statistics in the children begging or playing in the street and the people with blank empty faces…
I feel guilty because it is all too easy for me to sit and judge rich corrupt Cambodians, but I live a pretty nice life here, and in the UK… giving money or buying someone some food slightly salves ones conscience… but I am becoming more and more convinced that I need to reflect carefully on how I spend my money and my time… the world is small… what we do or don’t buy impacts people in other places, and the environment… life is fragile and short… can we really justify only spending our money to build ourselves up? The world is also full of lonely and vulnerable people and we pass them by the whole time.. I speak for myself – I can spend ages engrossed in my own mini dramas (what massage shall I choose today type thing)… that I become blind to other people… giving money to a charity is the easy option… but is it really the only option?

My thoughts on these things are a bit scatty at the moment… possibly I need to ponder them further… I’m not convinced the answer is to renounce all worldly possessions, or sleep on a bed of rusty nails… or embrace Marxism… ultimately, for the majority of people in the world the changes we can make to injustice is going to be at the individual level not some sort of global revolution… which means… I think… I need to consider more carefully how I am spending my time and money…

Hmmm I think this is all a bit heavy, sorry I’m in a ponderous mood today… off for a swim…
xxxx