Saturday, June 23, 2007

Saturday night and I'm feeling flammable

Soooo have you ever washed in kerosene? Probably i imagine the answer is NO... it is like asking if you have bathed in petrol... not really a very nice idea. However I have just completed washing myself with kerosene and I thought I would like to share the experience with the world.

So yes I was cycling home in the dark and I noticed that the path I was about to cycle on was freshly tarred. When I say fresh I mean that 6 hours previous it was dirt and no workmen/ steam rollers were in sight. I actually stopped my bike and considered cycling the long way round. But no I am lazy and thought it cant be too tragic... it was a gloriously smooth cycling experience. No potholes... wonderous.

I noticed a fair amount of tar was flying up into the mud guard and some onto my legs, but it was too late to do anything about it. After lugging the bike up the 2 floors to my flat I had concluded that both bike and I were fairly black. The solution was obviously to put bike in the bathroom and hose it down. doh. This had the effect of spraying tar all over my bathroom, and the rest of me that wasn't tared all ready... it also had the effect of inducing mild panic as I tried (unsuccessfully) to wipe the tar from the walls and floor and toilet and sink and washing machine, and only succeeded in making more mess in the process. WHAT would my landlord say? What would people at work say when they saw I was covered in black oily smears? panic panic panic. I then decided to try and see if a bit of washing up liquid would remove the tar, this involved walking into the kitchen to get it... and yes traipsing oily wet marks all through there too... the situation was deteriorating. everything i was touching was turning black... i was a mess, my house was a mess, and no washing up liquid does not remove tar. Panic levels were rising even more.

Then I remembered. My kerosene... the ultimate bike degreaser when bike degreaser isn't available. I went and got the bottle from the balcony. Wonder of wonders it worked a dream, the tar just rolled off... the bike was cleaned, the bathroom was cleaned, the floors were cleaned... all that was left was me... and no amount of scrubbing with soap was getting the tar off. The only thing for it was to dip the flannel in Kerosene and use it like shower gel... (urgh)

It worked... but I am not sure at what price. I cant smell anything but kerosene, I am probably the most flammable person in Kathmandu, and my skin is tingling like it may be allergic to kerosene despite much scrubbing with non-kerosene shower gel and moisturising with non-kerosene smelling products...

dum de dum...

on the plus side my bike is looking sooooo spangly, and I don't look like I have been rolling in tar!

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